A rather unpleasant topic to discuss, but it is worth noting that you do not have to be a victim of toilet bowl backsplash. If you are unfamiliar with what I am referring to you are either intolerably ignorant or lying to yourself (which is sad).
Most modern cultures use a toilet and that means what falls from your bum will impact the watery contents of the bowl below, splashing upwards as the solid refuse leaving your rectum displaces the liquid therein.
You can avoid this by taking several sheets of toilet paper, placing them down on top of the water as you would a tablecloth. By doing so, you create a natural barrier that will catch whatever horrid waste is coming out of you before it hits the bowl, thus reducing the impact. This hack works when expelling logs that bring tears to your eyes or jetting out a stream of brown.
The number of sheets you use and depth of layering will depend on the ply of the toilet paper and what you ate about 30 minutes ago. Go heavy and thick if you ate a good portion of the family-size nachos with extra cheese.
No mess. No splash. Ever again.